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Another football season is upon us and you know what that means. Strangers will be calling you on the phone bearing strange gifts, claiming to hit 85% percent winners. I promise never to call you on the phone. Ever. 900 numbers will beckon. There are tout services out there with 30 or more of them. Enough to release every side of every game almost every night. Since I preach long term results, I promise not to have any 900 numbers. My customers all get the same exact games. Outrageous trash will arrive with amazing regularity, stuffing your mailbox full. Soothsayers, Bookmakers, magazines and schedules, chock full of lies and garbage. I promise to mail out but one little post card this year, only to my football clients, just to let them know I’m still alive and where they can find me. People will tell you they are 87% documented by the “Book Of World Records.” I will never claim to be documented by a book that doesn’t even exist. A certain person will claim to have an awesome never ever lost situation almost every day. I never will because there’s no such thing. The newsletters will claim a winning week on the late phones when the newsletter loses, and a winning week in the newsletter when phone service lost. They will remain suspiciously silent when they lose both ways. All the while they’ll be opposite siding between the two. I promise never to print a newsletter and never to give out opposite sides. You will read ads promising lock of the year selections and season packages absolutely free. You’ll find that this is almost always a bait and switch come-on. I promise that if I say it’s free, it really is free. People will offer to sell you fixed games, even though doing so would be a serious Federal crime, unless it’s a bunch of bullshit, which it is. I promise to have no fixed games to sell and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t tell anyone about it. The scamdicappers will promise the moon, while claiming never to lose. That’s one of the ways they expose themselves for what they are. Nobody has tomorrows paper today or a magical crystal ball. I promise not to catch amnesia when I hit a bumpy patch in the road. If I’m gonna toot my horn when times are high, then I’ll be sure to tell you when things are not going my way. You’ve heard the phrase “You can’t win them all.” It’s true! Tough loses occur. You can be on the right side and still lose. Officials screw up. Murphy’s law will occasionally kick your ass. Losing streaks happen to all the best people including me. You get off the ground and brush yourself off. You wait for those monster runs. We’re in the middle of one now but it won’t go on forever. So you grind out the profits over time. That’s the only way to win. I promise to keep telling you this till it penetrates your thick skull. The comp lines will claim that the free plays are worthless, and that you have to pay money for the good stuff. I promise to try my ass off to win for you with the free stuff too. I Promise you will never see me on TV Saturday mornings, lying like an Afghan carpet. I promise never, ever, to sign you up for my service and then try to extort extra dollars from your wallet for so called special games, and then call you an asshole if you don’t fall for it. You sign with me and you get the best I got. Period. All these things I promise. They don’t mean a whole heck a lot. This is a business full of outrageous claims and false promises. But my word is all I have. I want you to know that I intend to work hard and win games for you again this year. That I’ll tell the truth and treat you with the respect you deserve, and hopefully provide a little laughter and wisdom along the way.
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Brian's Gymnasium |
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