The first thing you need to get you going in your new million dollar business as a sports tout is a name.

The name is very important. If your friends, your spouse or your boss will think less of you for going into this business don't use your own name. Change your name and let what they all think of you be damned. You'll soon be crying about your ruined reputation all the way to the bank. Changing your name also has the benefit of making it harder for the suckers to find you after they realize they've been ripped off.

The name you choose should have meaning to gamblers. But be careful here. Will E. Cover thought he had chosen a great name until he met his girlfriend Betty Won’t. I.M. 70% Johnson believed he had a good name until he hit 70% losers one season and people realized what a guy's Johnson really was.

I suggest you stick to one of the tried and true categories of names. First, there's all those BIG guys. There's Big Al ( in fact several big Als by my count ) and Big Ed and Big Dog and so on. You never want to be Little, unless for some reason your name is Caesar. But please, remember, that you don't want to be Big if your name is Dick, and for some reason, If your name is Dick, you can't be Little either. If you choose the name Dick, it's best to stay away from size descriptions altogether. Other than that, the first name Big is often a good choice.

There are also lots of Doctors in the tout business. One can't help wondering if this is exactly what their parents had in mind when they sent little Johnny for all that education to make him a doctor. Doctors are very successful in the tout business. Particularly those with specialties in proctology. Everybody expects to overpay a Doctor, so those in the tout business share a strong bond with their brethren in the medicine business when it comes to performing CASHectomies on those with swollen wallets. You've got DR. Ron Bash, Dr. Sam Weiss, the Sports Doctor, just plain old The Doctor, and of course "Doc", Doc Sullivan and so on. All experts with the old proctoscope.

Sports Service touts also seem to love animals, particularly dogs. There's Underdog, Big Dog, and The Dog Pound to name a few of the better known dogs out there. Oh yes, there's also the name Duke. You've got “I the Duke”, Duke Stillwell, and even Jonathan Mardukis. The name Duke has a triple benefit, not only does it connote wealth, influence, royalty and power, but it also connotes bigness, and, best of all, Duke is often used as a name for a tout's favorite animal -- the dog.

You might want to choose a name that has to do with a nationality or group. But beware of sensitivities here. You probably don't want to be called “Black” anything, and Jimmy the Jew might not go over big. The best nationality to chose seems to be Greek. We've got Nick the Greek, Jimmy the Greek, just plain old The Greek. You can become very successful with the middle name "The" and the last name "Greek".

Certain other descriptive terms in your name can also be very beneficial. Since the real Computer Boys went out of business and were prosecuted and made headlines in the late 80's, the word "Computer" is almost as powerful in the tout business as it is in Silicon Valley. The term "Sportswire" is another good descriptor. It conjures up visions of the old time bookmaking wire houses, or late breaking information news wires. There's Texas Sportswire, Green Bay Sportswire, Ohio Sportswire, Windy City Sportswire and so forth.

Choosing one of these categories of names may lack originality, but it has the benefit of familiarity and safety. The tried and true is often best. As one famous tycoon once said, "Why invent, when all you have to do to be sure of being successful is copy success?" The idea of familiarity is very important. The day you go into business you're going to want to claim you've been around for at least 10 years, complete with an outstanding 74% ten year record that all your customers can vouch is true. You don't want people to say: Bartholomew Goldberg? -- Who ever heard of him? When you call yourself Dr. or Duke or the Greek or Dog or Sportswire or Big or Computer everybody has heard of you the minute you open the doors and they all remember the great record you've claimed to have for ten years.

You might not want to take any chances at all. Why use only one of the above names when you can use them all? We here at the Crowne Club decided to do that last year with great success. We brought onto this line the famous and well-known handicapping service Big Dog Doctor Duke the Greek's Computer Sportswire and people instantly called to sign up. So now that you've completed the most important step, its time to start raking in the money.